my everlasting friend.

Michel Dod. 

I honestly don't know what I would do without you.
You.
My bestfriend.
My partner in crime.
My confidant.
My twin.
My other half.

Through my ups and downs.
Through my "funks" and rage.

Whether happy or sad.
Whether clever or idiotic.
Whether spastic or lazy.

You have always been there.

I want you to know how truly grateful I am to have you in my life.
To have you as my sister.

No matter what, I will always be by your side, nips.

I got your back, backpack.


"I'll be reaching for the stars with you. Who cares if no one else believes?"

.

im going to be fine again. i have to keep graceful dancing.

I'm sorry. 


I am so sorry.
I am truly terribly, terribly sorry. 


I am sorry for what I've done.
I am sorry for what I didn't do.


I am sorry for the lies I've told.
I am sorry for the white lies.
The big lies.
The clever lies.
The stupid lies.
The tactful lies.
The pointless lies.

I am sorry for the brutal truths I've shared.
The truths I've shared with you.
The truths I've shared with others.

I am sorry for changing my mind.
For being up.
For being down.
I am sorry for being so indecisive.
For being so wavering.
For being so weak kneed.
For being so wishy washy.

I am sorry for being so stubborn.
I am sorry for being so close minded.
So adamant.
So headstrong.
So relentless.

I lay awake at night with my conscious overrunning my mind.
I lay restless and alone in my bed. Desperately wishing to turn back time.

I replay conversations over and over again in my mind.
If I could change one thing, my life would be different.
Your life would be different.
Our lives would be different.

I am sorry to everyone.
To anyone I have ever hurt.
To anyone I have ever wronged.

Whether intentional or accidental.
Whether it was a fight or an arrogant passing by.
Whether I was in the right or in the wrong.

I am sorry for every person I have hurt.
For every tear I have rendered.



I am sorry.




But things are going to change.
From this moment on - from 4:38am and on I am going to be different.
Better.

I cant go back and fix things.
Apologizing again wouldn't make a difference.
You are better off without me in your life.
And if you are still by my side, then I vow to make things right.

I vow to be honest.
Truthful.
Respectful.
Responsible.
Trustworthy.

I vow to do things right.
To get my life back on track.

I am not a kid anymore.
I not longer need a hand to hold.

Through every obstacle and hardship that has and will be thrown my way, I will keep my head held high.
My chin up.

I will turn my life into something both me and my family can be proud of.
I will change my ways for the better.

I will no longer stand in my own way.
I will no longer sit alone in my room for days on end, hoping for something to change.
I will no longer wish for change. For happiness. For confidence.

I will go out there and take it.
I will make myself.
I will find myself.


And when the going gets rough - as it always does.
When my heart is broken - as it often is.
When my hope is gone - which it often is.

I will remember that I will be fine again.
I just have to keep graceful dancing.