im going to be fine again. i have to keep graceful dancing.

I'm sorry. 


I am so sorry.
I am truly terribly, terribly sorry. 


I am sorry for what I've done.
I am sorry for what I didn't do.


I am sorry for the lies I've told.
I am sorry for the white lies.
The big lies.
The clever lies.
The stupid lies.
The tactful lies.
The pointless lies.

I am sorry for the brutal truths I've shared.
The truths I've shared with you.
The truths I've shared with others.

I am sorry for changing my mind.
For being up.
For being down.
I am sorry for being so indecisive.
For being so wavering.
For being so weak kneed.
For being so wishy washy.

I am sorry for being so stubborn.
I am sorry for being so close minded.
So adamant.
So headstrong.
So relentless.

I lay awake at night with my conscious overrunning my mind.
I lay restless and alone in my bed. Desperately wishing to turn back time.

I replay conversations over and over again in my mind.
If I could change one thing, my life would be different.
Your life would be different.
Our lives would be different.

I am sorry to everyone.
To anyone I have ever hurt.
To anyone I have ever wronged.

Whether intentional or accidental.
Whether it was a fight or an arrogant passing by.
Whether I was in the right or in the wrong.

I am sorry for every person I have hurt.
For every tear I have rendered.



I am sorry.




But things are going to change.
From this moment on - from 4:38am and on I am going to be different.
Better.

I cant go back and fix things.
Apologizing again wouldn't make a difference.
You are better off without me in your life.
And if you are still by my side, then I vow to make things right.

I vow to be honest.
Truthful.
Respectful.
Responsible.
Trustworthy.

I vow to do things right.
To get my life back on track.

I am not a kid anymore.
I not longer need a hand to hold.

Through every obstacle and hardship that has and will be thrown my way, I will keep my head held high.
My chin up.

I will turn my life into something both me and my family can be proud of.
I will change my ways for the better.

I will no longer stand in my own way.
I will no longer sit alone in my room for days on end, hoping for something to change.
I will no longer wish for change. For happiness. For confidence.

I will go out there and take it.
I will make myself.
I will find myself.


And when the going gets rough - as it always does.
When my heart is broken - as it often is.
When my hope is gone - which it often is.

I will remember that I will be fine again.
I just have to keep graceful dancing.